[he does not excuse himself, though he knows it is not something he would have done before Wei Ying died -- something he tried very hard not to do before Wei Ying died. he thought a lot, in those thirteen years, where his life moved on while his heart was largely in hiatus. he has his reasons.]
[he doesn't judge himself for it. he literally explained to Wei Wuxian why it was a kink a couple of days ago, though he doubts Wei Wuxian fully Got It.]
[his hand is flat on the counter, eyes a little distant, not looking at his older self; he still isn't standing in judgment over the elder Lan Wangji for going ahead. he's simply looking at a past much more painfully recent than it was thirteen years from where he stands.]
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Wished to keep him safe. Would not let him go.
[he does not excuse himself, though he knows it is not something he would have done before Wei Ying died -- something he tried very hard not to do before Wei Ying died. he thought a lot, in those thirteen years, where his life moved on while his heart was largely in hiatus. he has his reasons.]
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[he doesn't judge himself for it. he literally explained to Wei Wuxian why it was a kink a couple of days ago, though he doubts Wei Wuxian fully Got It.]
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[five days is longer than Wei Wuxian would ever willingly stay with him, in that fraught time after his revival.]
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I know why I cannot.
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Do you wish help?
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How?
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Tell Wei Ying.
[...pauses again]
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It would be strange not to trust myself.
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I will speak to him.
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I will tell you.
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[strange not to trust yourself, indeed]
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[he would like to help himself, too.]
What can I do?
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It is sad to be avoided.
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Time may be needed.
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[he is very good at waiting.]
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Staying?
[or is he going out for something else, now that the lesson is done]
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