Wait, does this mean you were angry with me that whole time because you were contemplating doing things but wouldn't??? Weren't we around seventeen then? Just what kind of things were you contemplating?
[at the tournament he'd still been struggling to put a name to those desires and what he wished to do about them, though he'd certainly been furious with emotion over it, out of control under the false calm veneer of his own skin.
in the rush of the indoctrination camp and the Xuanwu, there hadn't been much time for contemplating wants. the stress and anxiety of Gusu burning and Xichen missing and his father wounded had been heavy on his mind. he does not remember fantasizing about Wei Wuxian in his bed then so much as he remembers the fury of trying to do what he could for him, even as it was returned, or the bittersweet repetition in his head as he'd pulled Wei Wuxian out from the Xuanwu's teeth and held him through his fever when he'd grown delirious: not him. not him too.
still, it hadn't been without its moments of baffled wanting outrage.]
[usually he welcomes that wonderful aggravating teasing, and this certainly merits it, but they also arrived at this topic from talk of his family, and the Mianmian drama was against a backdrop of more of that, and he feels wrung.]
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Really... just how often did you contemplate things like that if you feel this guilty about it?
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Before the war.
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and then blurt out--]
Wait, does this mean you were angry with me that whole time because you were contemplating doing things but wouldn't??? Weren't we around seventeen then? Just what kind of things were you contemplating?
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[at the tournament he'd still been struggling to put a name to those desires and what he wished to do about them, though he'd certainly been furious with emotion over it, out of control under the false calm veneer of his own skin.
in the rush of the indoctrination camp and the Xuanwu, there hadn't been much time for contemplating wants. the stress and anxiety of Gusu burning and Xichen missing and his father wounded had been heavy on his mind. he does not remember fantasizing about Wei Wuxian in his bed then so much as he remembers the fury of trying to do what he could for him, even as it was returned, or the bittersweet repetition in his head as he'd pulled Wei Wuxian out from the Xuanwu's teeth and held him through his fever when he'd grown delirious: not him. not him too.
still, it hadn't been without its moments of baffled wanting outrage.]
You are the one who teased.
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Ah... see, that's the fairest point you've made here about it. Of course you'd contemplate things when someone's teasing you like that.
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"Of course."
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Are you contemplating something now, Hangaung-Jun?
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You thought I liked Luo Qingyang.
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[he never did get her name]
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"How endless your longing for the distant road."
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She was really cute! It's perfectly understandable for me to think that, isn't it?
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No.
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But it was thanks to her herb pouch that your leg was saved, wasn't it? Don't be so harsh about her.
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Do not tease more.
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[unless he's very serious about it. but that particular command just hits his mischief button so much.]
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Perhaps later.
[usually he welcomes that wonderful aggravating teasing, and this certainly merits it, but they also arrived at this topic from talk of his family, and the Mianmian drama was against a backdrop of more of that, and he feels wrung.]
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All right, later then. This is still fine?
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Still fine.
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[gonna bring up their hands so he can place a light kiss on Lan Wangji's, almost as if in apology for the teasing.]
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[this is not an unfamiliar sentiment to him here, but it's not like he's great at it on his own]
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