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[one_note]

[ TEXT | ACTION | IDK FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS ]

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[untamedhero]

I see... that does help.

Then... can I ask about the fears you mentioned?

[one_note]

Which?

[there were quite a few; they all went ham on that one]

[untamedhero]

I guess... the one about imprisoning us. I understand a little better why you'd say it and this might sound a bit dumb but...

[moving his hands to put them over Lan Wangji's around him.]

Does something like this fall into that? Because I chose this myself. Or is it things like how you kept wrangling us when we first came back? Because... honestly? That wasn't such a bad thing, either.

[one_note]

...

[the register of his voice changes. even though he's said it's easier to answer questions, this answer is still labored]

At that time. I had decided.

Better to act and see you protected. Than to let you go, and see you dead again.

[untamedhero]

[his expression shifts to something more serious as he nods.]

In all honesty, if you hadn't, I would have tried to go it alone. And I really can't see that turning out well again. So really. Having a firmer hand with me then was actually the best way to manage it. Even if I made trouble the whole while.

[one_note]

[breathed out]

"Come back to Gusu with me."

[untamedhero]

[closes his eyes because those words definitely have different meaning than they had in his past life--or, hell, even between the start and most recent events of his second life.]

But you didn't force it. Remember? It ended up being the option the first time after I came back because... well... Jiang Cheng... and me saying those things...

[it really was get dragged back to Yunmeng or go to Gusu under Lan Wangji's protection, then.]

But you still let it be my choice.

[one_note]

Listen.

[there is a long, strangely soft pause. Lan Wangji is still again for it, that strange statue-state that takes him almost beyond human, his brow creased in thought, or focus. he is terrified, here and now, he notes distantly somewhere. he fancies his heartbeat is past a rabbit's and akin to a hummingbird's, liable to burst from his chest if he is not careful. if he finally tries to tell this, and fails to say it right, he does not think he can remove the stop on his tongue a second time without magic, fairy or otherwise.]

You asked after my mother, once.

[untamedhero]

[he pauses, then leans back against Lan Wangji when he feels that stiffness, hands settled over his.]

... I did, yes.

[one_note]

Mother's marriage to Father was unwilling.

[untamedhero]

... and she "passed in confinement".

Why?

[one_note]

[his voice has gone remote as well as soft, like he's talking about an old and distant story, and not pulling the skeletons from the closet of his own immediate family]

In their youth, she killed their teacher. Would have been executed.

Father loved her. Married her to stay this. Her punishment became lifelong confinement; seclusion. He underwent the same, in a separate house.

[untamedhero]

That's why you said you wouldn't emulate your father.

[reasonable, actually.]

[one_note]

Would never imprison you.

Do not wish to.

[untamedhero]

But you're afraid that you might do something like it?

[one_note]

...

Would not be difficult.

...

I am like my father.

[there might be more to that. the second sentence has a hanging quality. but he doesn't continue.]

[untamedhero]

[... as much as it can irk him for someone to claim to be able to get him to do anything, Lan Wangji is the one person this proves true for, so doesn't comment on that.]

How so?

[one_note]

If I said. I had never contemplated your confinement. For your protection, before your death.

Would be a lie.

Not what I offered, nonetheless.

[untamedhero]

I think that'd make you different from him, then.

Thinking about something and doing it are two different things. Of course you'd think of it--it was a solution your father took. And even if you did take action to confine me, it's not like you could force me into a marriage, right? It's no where near the same. And you didn't do any of it, besides.

[one_note]

Perhaps.

Regardless. Easy to contemplate. Taking what I should not.

This has always been true.

[untamedhero]

Contemplating is one thing, doing another!

And I still say that one time shouldn't count, anyway. It's not like it ruined me. I wasn't and I'm not upset about it or anything.

[one_note]

Does not make it right.

[his chin is resting on Wei Wuxian's shoulder, like he's very tired. their cheeks brush, warm. for all his upset, he's not actually withdrawing again from Wei Wuxian in the process.]

[untamedhero]

[sighs and lifting up a hand to run fingers through his hair.]

Really... just how often did you contemplate things like that if you feel this guilty about it?

[one_note]

Often.

[untamedhero]

Since when?