Er-gege, a few days ago you wouldn't even say you wanted to go on a date with me. I can say whatever I want, but it doesn't matter if you don't agree with it.
I wanted to. But I wanted you to say that you wanted to. If you only say yes because I say yes, it makes it seem like you're just going with whatever I want.
[trails off, too unsure to finish that sentence. he can't fit the pieces together: desiring someone, being partners with someone, facing life beside them isn't the same as loving them. and Lan Wangji already has someone he loves. it would be too arrogant, even now, to think that love might be given to him]
[he does struggle to tell the difference; he hasn't gotten too much better at reading his face during their time here, but he can pick up on shifts in expression even if he isn't sure of their meaning.
closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of the hand on his cheek]
[listens to the clamoring of both of their hearts together, skin against skin; wishing he could say it, but unable to. he tips his head to kiss Lan Wangji's wrist instead, offering it as a gesture of reassurance]
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[equally quiet and serious as he gazes back]
What does staying with someone mean to you?
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...
To face life beside them.
Partnership.
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That's already what this is. Isn't it?
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[it is not a rhetorical question. they have not defined this in so many words, between themselves.]
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Er-gege, a few days ago you wouldn't even say you wanted to go on a date with me. I can say whatever I want, but it doesn't matter if you don't agree with it.
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Wanted to. If you did.
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Want to, even when you do not say yes.
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It's...hard to say yes if I don't know you want to.
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Always want to.
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[he already said it once, so it feels redundant to make him repeat himself. but he's anxious; it's too hard to believe]
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[trails off, too unsure to finish that sentence. he can't fit the pieces together: desiring someone, being partners with someone, facing life beside them isn't the same as loving them. and Lan Wangji already has someone he loves. it would be too arrogant, even now, to think that love might be given to him]
...someone...else...?
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says absolutely nothing?
oh no]
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You have someone you love. I don't want to get in the way of that, if it comes up in the future.
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[there is the chance that Lan Wangji's love has passed away, but who could he have loved that passed?]
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[he clarifies, helpfully]
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Then I have no choice but to believe you! What a lucky person, to have Hanguang-Jun's affection.
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I didn't mean it badly. I do believe you!
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All right.
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closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of the hand on his cheek]
They are quite lucky. I mean that sincerely.
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...
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I'm lucky too.
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