[there's a bit of a flinch when the grip tightens but he quickly dismisses that in favor of furrowing his brow as he considers the question. clearly hasn't thought about it like this.]
I'm not afraid of her, but maybe what she might do? But I don't think she's stupid enough to make problems worse for herself unless it's a situation like that where she feels backed into a corner.
I don't hate her, either. I do think she wants to do well by Mint, but from the start I was someone who didn't... want to be trapped by something like teams in houses. And what I did, to her, seemed like more than that--me saying that person's life was more important than Scyl's or something. I don't know. I think it'd be easier if I did hate her.
But that's why she treats us differently. I mean, you and she have your own thing, too, but you and gege chose the scenario that brought you to Mint. I didn't. That's why...
[he trails off because there's the belated realization that this was also a part of that whole fearing what happens to those two because they're on Mint and he just didn't get it himself until just now.]
You are not happy. Neither of you are happy. Should that resolve it, I would entreat the fae until we suceeded. Fight her with you, when she comes.
[the words are very even, and very certain. he likes Mint; he likes Mora; that is a candleflame to the Wei Wuxians' forest fire. he is his own sort of monster, that way.]
[time to plop himself directly into Lan Wangji's lap, back to front, and pulling his arms around him. a bit slouched down so his head can be against his shoulder.]
... it was something I didn't realize before. Because people go to sleep and wake up on their own all the time. So it's kind of silly to say "I don't like it" but, thinking about it... I probably don't like it because I've done it a little too much in my past life.
And I know you feel some responsibility with that, but it's really not your failings, you know. I'm pretty sure if not for this place, I would have woken up in Gusu with Hanguang-Jun nearby. So in a way, I kind of did it to myself, if the fae are to be believed.
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I'm not afraid of her, but maybe what she might do? But I don't think she's stupid enough to make problems worse for herself unless it's a situation like that where she feels backed into a corner.
I don't hate her, either. I do think she wants to do well by Mint, but from the start I was someone who didn't... want to be trapped by something like teams in houses. And what I did, to her, seemed like more than that--me saying that person's life was more important than Scyl's or something. I don't know. I think it'd be easier if I did hate her.
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We all have limits. A difficult situation. No liberation, supression, and elimination.
[looks down at their joined hands, soothing his thumb over Wei Wuxian's in silent apology]
Not even a corpse mountain, for retreat.
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[he trails off because there's the belated realization that this was also a part of that whole fearing what happens to those two because they're on Mint and he just didn't get it himself until just now.]
That's why.
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Think it'll help?
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[the words are very even, and very certain. he likes Mint; he likes Mora; that is a candleflame to the Wei Wuxians' forest fire. he is his own sort of monster, that way.]
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I'll work on it, then. I do like the people on Mint well enough.
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[FEARS ARE HARD. EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY HARD, LAN ZHAN.]
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[does the heart thing work for this? free hand is gonna reach over to place itself on Lan Wangji's chest.]
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It is fine.
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tugs on his hand a bit.]
Here. Change your sitting a little. Crosslegged or something.
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Better?
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Mm.
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...
But this is better.
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Easier speaking?
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Haven't really thought about that, but... maybe with this next one?
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Let us see.
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... it was something I didn't realize before. Because people go to sleep and wake up on their own all the time. So it's kind of silly to say "I don't like it" but, thinking about it... I probably don't like it because I've done it a little too much in my past life.
And I know you feel some responsibility with that, but it's really not your failings, you know. I'm pretty sure if not for this place, I would have woken up in Gusu with Hanguang-Jun nearby. So in a way, I kind of did it to myself, if the fae are to be believed.
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